How to Be the Best Support from Home

Overview

This section is the most important one in the course. Everything in Sections 1 through 3 is information. This section is about how you show up.

Research on college student success is consistent: students whose supporters provide emotional support and encouragement, while allowing them to navigate challenges independently, have better academic outcomes, stronger mental health, and higher graduation rates than students whose supporters are either disengaged or overinvolved.

This section is not about being less invested. It is about being invested in the right way.

The Shift You Need to Make

In high school, you may have helped with homework, attended teacher conferences, emailed school staff, or intervened when your student ran into a problem. In college, that role belongs to your student.

What Your Student Needs Most from You

• Belief. Your student needs to know you believe they can do this. Say it out loud. Frequently. Even when they are struggling. Especially when they are struggling.
• Availability without pressure. Be reachable, but do not require daily check-ins or reports. A student who feels monitored will either disengage or manage your anxiety rather than their own challenges.
• A safe landing place. When your student is struggling, they need to be able to tell you without fear of overreaction. Practice responses like: "That sounds hard. What are you going to do about it?" rather than "I am calling the school."
• Help they actually ask for. Resist the urge to solve problems your student has not asked you to solve. Ask: "What would be helpful right now?" and then do that.
• Patience during the adjustment period. The first six to eight weeks of college are the hardest. Homesickness, academic difficulty, and social anxiety are normal. Most students find their footing by mid-semester if they are given space to do so.
• Perspective on college as more than a credential. College is not just an institution, it is an experience. Your student may have other responsibilities, but jobs do not simply hire degrees — they hire well-rounded people. Encourage your student to invest in the parts of college that build them as a person, not just the parts that finish the requirement.

Conversations Worth Having Before Move-In

• What does staying in touch look like for both of us? Set expectations together.
• What does a successful first semester look like? Make sure you agree on what that means.
• What should your student do if they are really struggling academically or personally? Make sure they know they can come to you.
• What are the financial expectations during the school year? Work, spending money, and budgeting.
• What does independence look like in your family? Name it explicitly so there is no confusion.

Signs Your Student May Be Struggling

College students often will not volunteer that they are struggling. Watch for these signs during calls or visits, and respond with curiosity rather than alarm:

• Withdrawal: they stop reaching out, calls become shorter, they seem flat or distant
• Academic avoidance: they stop mentioning classes, avoid talking about grades or assignments
• Sleep disruption: they mention not sleeping, sleeping all day, or extreme fatigue
• Social isolation: they are not making friends, not going to class, spending a lot of time alone
• Financial stress: unexplained money requests, avoiding conversations about their bill

If you notice these signs, the best response is a gentle, non-alarming check-in:

If you are genuinely concerned and your student is not responding, the Dean of Students office and CARES Team can help. A welfare check is not a dramatic intervention — it is a caring one.

What Not to Do

These are the most common ways supporters unintentionally undermine their student's college success:

• Calling offices on their behalf. When you call Financial Aid, the Registrar, or any other university office to handle something for your student, you take away their opportunity to practice self-advocacy. You also cannot legally access their information without a FERPA waiver or authorized user designation. Encourage your student to make the call, and offer to help them prepare what to say.
• Setting up too much contact. Daily phone calls, required check-ins, and frequent campus visits can prevent your student from doing the hard work of building a life on campus. Students who go home every weekend miss the social bonding that happens during that time.
• Not encouraging them to take in the full college experience. Most Rutgers-Camden students are commuters, and many of the ones who thrive are the ones who stay on campus between and after classes. Encourage your student to stay on campus, to get involved with clubs, events, and the community beyond class. The relationships and experiences they build outside the classroom are a big part of what makes a degree worth something.
• Expressing panic about normal struggles. If your student tells you they failed a quiz, the wrong response is alarm. The right response is: "That is frustrating. What is your plan?" Panic from you becomes panic in them.
• Comparing to siblings or other students. Every student's college experience is different. Comparison adds pressure and rarely motivates.
• Making decisions for them. Course selection, major decisions, living arrangements, and social choices belong to your student. You can share your perspective once. After that, it is their decision to make.

Staying Connected: What Works

• A regular, low-pressure check-in call or text. Once or twice a week is usually right.
• Sending care packages, especially during midterms and finals
• Celebrating milestones, including non-academic ones: a new friendship, a first campus event, figuring something out themselves
• Being interested in their campus life without interrogating it
• Staying engaged with what they are studying, asking what they are reading or working on
• Telling them you are proud of them, regularly and without conditions attached to grades